Life Lessons

What a journey life is!  It is never quite what we expect or plan for. Over the past couple of years I have been learning so much about my life journey.  For many years in my life I wanted to forgo the hurt, pain and disappointment of life - I wanted to coast by with a smile on my face with everything being peaches and roses.  That, unfortunately (well fortunately - we will get to that in a minute) isn't how life is.  That philosophy kept me stuck in a very bad, unhealthy and dysfunctional marriage for way to long and frankly didn't hold water in theory or practice.  I refused to acknowledge that someone was repeatedly hurting me and did not want to deal with the ugliness of the situation - so I swallowed and stayed stuck.  BUT - there comes a time when every girl must put on her big girl panties and face the stark reality and deal with it.  So here is the fortunately part I mentioned - Life isn't peaches and roses.  In our failures, our broken relationships, our pain - there is learning, growth and healing - how amazing is that!  When we acknowledge that Bad is Bad or painful is painful then and only then can we fully experience the Good, the Happy, the Joyful and the Hopeful in life.

Through this journey my children have had to learn many life lessons.  Tough ones.  But the one thing I NEVER expected was that "the taught" has now become "the teacher."  Many months ago I distinctly remember telling my son that he was now the "constant" male figure in our lives.  That he would need to step in with the littles where his dad had stepped out.  That was really all to that conversation.  There was a head nod as I remember but no other fanfare or beating of his chest or telling me what he is going to do - just a simple head nod, acknowledging that he heard and that he's got this.  Christopher has now graduated college and moved home for what we know is a short time while he secures the next step in his life. (job or graduate school).  But he has not forgotten his commitment he gave me to step in where Keith had stepped out.  He has lovingly cared for his sisters.  He is generous with his time with them, swimming, playing video games and pokemon go, cooking for them and even teaching them to cook.  He has lovingly and patiently refereed many disagreements between Maddie and Mia, most times even better that I could.  Just recently I went to Christopher in a very low moment.  Tears were flowing and although he did not want to entertain the circumstances of what had transpired that brought me to tears - I asked him one simple question - What do I do?  He shrugged his shoulders and the short conversation was over.  Later that evening I received a text message from him, detailing his suggestions and strategies I could put in place to overcome my dilemma.  It read like a man with life experience beyond measure wrote those words.  In that moment our roles reversed and I was being taught and taught well, from a man who I taught well.   Over the past few days I have thought a lot about this particular situation of guidance Christopher gave me and took a step back and looked at his time with us at home as a whole and have a new perspective.  I think back to that simple nod, the no fanfare -  just him showing up the past 2 years (on vacations, at holidays and now at home) to do the job he knew he needed
to.  I think to myself - isn't that how Jesus came to this earth - quietly with no fanfare, to step in and do a job he knew we needed him to do for us.  Christopher has such an amazing spirit about him - one that models those things Jesus modeled for us and that makes me PROUD. 

Again, its through life's disappointments, hurt and pain that comes moments such as the one with my son, moments where I feel the love of my friends and family, moments where I see the hope in new friendships and relationships.  Do I like to experience those difficult times anymore than I use to - of course not - I am just learning that GOD uses ALL things to his Glory and that if we look hard we too can see the blessings, no matter how small, that come out of those circumstances.  They mold us and shape us into who GOD wants us to be and for that I am Grateful!